Friday, February 22, 2013

Funny Friday

Caution: some risque content and language...
_______________

_______________

This week, a random selection of short humorous items from Sickipedia:
_______________

At a job interview.

"What would you say was your greatest weakness?"

"Honesty."

"I don't think honesty is a weakness."

"I don't give a fuck what you think." 
_______________

Hot tip for getting an Oscar: 

Pretoria State Prison 
_______________

As I began to panic, I became increasingly warmer and very thirsty.

With no access to water, I knew that I had no choice but to do what Bear Grylls would do in this situation and drink my own urine.

It tasted better than I thought it would and to be honest, it really did refresh me.

Although I did get some funny looks from the others who had been stuck in the lift with me for the last 20 minutes. 
_______________

Last year my mate Dave found out that he couldn't have kids.

He was absolutely devastated, so being the kind of guy I am, I offered to have sex with his wife, which they both agreed to.

Dave called me today and said, "Look, you've been shagging my wife twice a day for the last six months and she still isn't pregnant."

"That's probably because I had a vasectomy back in 2009." I replied. 
_______________

Of all the utensils that were invented to eat rice with...

How the fuck did two sticks win? 
_______________

As my hamster laid stiff at the bottom of its cage with all 4 legs pointing upwards, I thought to myself, "This doesn't look good."

So I stood him upright. 
_______________

I made dinner for my new girlfriend last night.

After the meal I said, "Those chips that you've just eaten actually came from my garden this morning."

"Wow!" she smiled, "I didn't know that you grew potatoes?" 

I said, "I don't, some fucker must've thrown them over the fence." 
_______________

Limerick Spot:

First let me explain that I'm cursed.
I'm a poet whose time gets reversed.
Reversed gets time
Whose poet a I'm.
Cursed I'm that explain me let first
_______________

No comments:

Post a Comment

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.